My tragic pregnancy experience in Belgium (1)

Every pregnancy is unique and mostly filled with joy. But my (first) pregnancy was heavy and devastating, almost traumatic. As a blogger, written words can offer closure for the experience, after which I can try to move on instead of always thinking about it, hopefully, time can take care of the rest.

The past 5 months have been the heaviest time in my whole 32 years of life, with lots of ups and downs accompanied by physical and emotional pains.

I realize that miscarriage, stillbirth, induced abortion, or even infant death are not that uncommon in life (around 10-20% of known pregnancy ends in miscarriage), but people usually avoid talking about it.

Writing it down gives me the opportunity to offer some support to others who are suffering or suffered from a similar loss, I send you love and courage, time will heal.

Timing

It was 22 October 2021, I noticed I was already one week late for my period. After I did a self-test, followed by going to the family doctor to get it confirmed by a blood test, it was confirmed that I was indeed 5 weeks pregnant, this was great news.

Meanwhile, at the beginning of the month, my husband’s grandmother passed away due to an accident, it was a big shock and sorrow for the family, especially for my mother-in-law. Due to COVID-19, we could not easily go back to China, so we could only emotionally support the family via video chat. When we announced that a baby was on the way 2 weeks after the funeral of the grandmother, we all felt that the universe offered a gift to us as compensation for our loss, we were able to distract the sorrow of the family so they could move on and focus on the new life.

Almost at the same time, at work, in September 2021, my team delivered a heavy project which I actively led (in my domain) with enormous stress for almost 2 years, it would definitely be fair to consider, that the first baby was the project launch, after its delivery, came the second baby (my real one).

By the time the baby would become 3 months, it would be right during Christmas time, so we could announce a special surprise on the Christmas card, adding extra joy to my network during the festival season.

The due date of the baby was supposed to be on June 30th, 2022, summer is always appreciated in Belgium, usually sunny, but not too hot.

All in all, both my husband R and I were extremely happy, the timing of the baby was perfect.

First trimester

My first trimester of the pregnancy was wonderful, I did not have any hormonal reactions such as morning sickness, food sensitivity, or even a single bit of virginal bleeding, my only reaction if I had to say something, was that I got hungry more often. Sometimes I even wondered if I was really pregnant or not, but I knew I was, I could not wait to see the baby in our first ultrasound in week 8.

Meanwhile, I started to do regular movements such as swimming, walking, and badminton, to ensure that the baby stayed healthy and the delivery went well. I have never been so motivated by sports in my life. R also started to research for finding a daycare near us. Yes, in Belgium, you need to check with the daycare as soon as you are pregnant, or even when you are planning.

Finally, it was week 8, we went to a gynecologist in my town, we did an ultrasound scan of the baby, it looked nothing like a baby, more like a fish. The doctor confirmed that all looked fine, and then she played the heartbeat from the baby, it was very fast, like a horse running. At that very moment, R and I, holding hands and looking at each other, full of love, definitely became convinced that a life was growing in me. It was the first time ever, we felt like we were finally going to be parents.

Helig Hart, Leuven

Leuven, a beautiful university city in Belgium, is where R and I met each other back in school, we lived there for 7 years. When we were dating, we used to bike or walk on almost every single street in the city. It is like our hometown outside China. Our last rented apartment in Leuven was in Heverlee, a street with one side being a small park, the other side being a cemetery, next to the police station and Sportoase, very quiet, safe, and convenient. Even though we moved to the periphery of Brussels 5 years ago, we still go to Leuven almost every weekend, we go there for shopping, for our favorite restaurant, our favorite Asian shop, meet friends, and so on.

So when we started to discuss where to deliver the baby, our first preference was Leuven, not only because it is familiar, but also because all the doctors and staff speak English perfectly. I used to live in Brussels for a short period, and quite some staff in the hospital only speak French, as much as I wanted to practice my French, believe me, when you were in a medical situation, you wanted to be communicated with your first or second language, instead of leveling up your language skills.

Helig Hart is a hospital in Leuven, they have a very good reputation with their maternity department. Lots of my friends delivered their babies there, and I only heard good things about their gynecologists.
So we made our 12-week gynecologist appointment with Dr. C in Helig Hart. It was 20 minutes drive compared to 6 minutes drive, but it was not an issue for us.

Week 12

Usually in Belgium, the second time for pregnancy follow-up is at week 12, for another ultrasound to check the development of the baby and an important blood test, called the NIPT test (non-invasive prenatal test).

NIPT test aims the screen for chromosomal diseases such as Down syndrome (trisomy 21), Edwards syndrome (Trisomy 18), and Patau syndrome (trisomy 13) in the baby by measuring the DNA of the baby, but via drawing the blood from the mother. It is non-invasive because starting from 12 weeks on, there is a sufficient amount of the baby’s blood circulating in the blood of the mother. They just needed to take some blood from me, then via some processing, they could separate the blood of the new entity (Placenta and the bay) from the mother. With this technology, they could easily analyze the baby’s genetic health, as well as the sex. Great invention, a great leap in the medical industry.

Since 2013, the NIPT test has been introduced in Belgium, the test has been covered by Belgian health insurance since 2017, so it has become a standard process in my pregnancy follow-up.

When the baby was at week 12, it was already in December, usually, most people take 2 weeks of vacation for Christmas and New Year. We also planned for a week to travel to Italy.

Meeting Dr. C

On 9th December we came to Helig Hart hospital for our 12 weeks pregnancy follow-up. It was the first time we met Dr. C when she picked us up from the waiting room. She is a thin, tall woman in her mid-30s, she speaks softly and with a low volume, but rather clear, steady, and calm. We introduced ourselves and started our files in her system. We then met the baby for the second time when she did an ultrasound on it. At that time, the baby already looked a bit more like an infant. We could recognize the head, body, legs, and arms. Everything looked normal. We then went to draw some blood for the NIPT test, as my husband and myself has always been healthy, so at that time, for us, the significance of the NIPT test was just to find the gender of the baby.

Our plan was before we departed for the vacation to Italy, we would have been informed about the result, and we could celebrate a boy or a girl with romance.

NIPT test result

Before our vacation, on a Friday at 16:00, Dr. C called me on the mobile, and she said the NIPT test came out. She offered me to have an appointment next Monday to explain, but I told her that we were supposed to leave for vacation starting the weekend already, maybe we could meet after the week, but then she would be going on vacation for 2 weeks. So she decided to explain me on the phone. “The screening for the 3 known diseases was fine, but there were some exceptions found on the chromosomes of the baby, the lab staff found something that they have never seen on a baby, so they would like me to do some extra test”.

“Exceptions on the chromosome of the baby” was like a storm striking me from the phone, I could not hear anything anymore, and I didn’t like the word “exception” on my baby.

Back in the ’90s, China had a strict one-child policy, I was born as a second child in my family, so my own existence was an exception. I came from a small village and got offered to study in Belgium at university, I was the selected student representative for a graduation speech for both my master’s degrees, I managed to settle down in Belgium with R after graduation despite the difficulties in the job market at that time.

So yes, my life is full of exceptions, and good ones. But in terms of being a mother to an unborn baby, I don’t want any exception, my only hope is that it is normal.

After some deep breaths, I requested Dr. C on the phone to explain to me again what was happening and what to do next. Eventually, we agreed to meet in 3 weeks for another test – amniocentesis, to confirm that the abnormality is on the baby or on the placenta, as the NIPT test cannot distinguish the blood from the placenta or baby (both came from the fertilized egg).

Amniocentesis

Amniocentesis is a procedure used to take out a small sample of the amniotic fluid for testing. This is the fluid that surrounds the fetus in a pregnant woman. The amniotic fluid contains cells shed by the fetus. These cells have genetic information that can be used to diagnose genetic disorders

It is an invasive test, as, during the process, there is a possibility that the amnio sac breaks, causing a miscarriage. This procedure is usually only done when there is an abnormality found in the ultrasound or NIPT test.

After the phone call, I only knew that I had an appointment with UZ Leuven to do an amniocentesis after the new year when everyone came back from the holiday. It was not clear to me what the problem was, and why it happened, the only message was, that there was an exception.

On that day at work, my last meeting was at 17:30, I was supposed to have a one-to-one meeting with one of the team members. I understood there was some struggle she was facing, and the plan was to listen and offer some help, if not at least to cheer her up. After the phone call, I messaged her on teams and kindly asked to move it after the vacation, as I was having a certain situation myself, and would not be capable to cheer her up. I left work early that day.

In the evening, when R came back from work, I started to explain to him what Dr. C said, but I found myself not able to say anything clearly before I burst into tears and started sobbing. After calming down, I still found out that I could not explain what happened, the only thing I knew was, that after 3 weeks, we would do a procedure called amniocentesis to check the baby, the procedure itself has a 1/1000 chance of losing it.

R and I met each other at university in Leuven 13 years ago, by now we have been married for 5 years. He has always been this calm companion beside me, whenever I am stressed, anxious, crazy, or excited, he is the one who balances my energy out. We are a great match for personality.

He suggested we go on the vacation and not think about it and find out after 3 weeks, or if I was not able to enjoy the vacation, we could cancel as well, so we could meet Dr. C before her vacation next week. That Saturday, after meeting a friend at lunch, we decided to cancel the vacation despite losing all the reservations, as in my mind, I could not wait for 3 weeks with some unknowns about an important factor in my life.

Luckily we got an appointment with Dr. C the next Monday itself.

Week 13

On Mondays, Dr. C works at UZ Leuven, one of the best university hospitals in Belgium. For a patient, the university hospital is a bit controversial, the advantage is that the doctors there are also medical professors, so not only do they treat the patients, but they also are the frontier of medical research, they are aware of the most complicated medical cases worldwide; on the other hand, it is also a place for the medical students to learn and practice during their internship. So as a patient, it is very likely that you will encounter an intern for your normal procedure (of course supervised), on the other hand, once your medical situation is critical, you also get the best resource at hand.

We chose Helig Hart as our delivery hospital, as we didn’t want to be practiced on by interns on such a critical medical matter, and of course, in the beginning, we trusted our baby was completely healthy. However, since we had a bit of complication, it needed to be handled by UZ Leuven anyway. Luckily, Dr. C works in both hospitals so she could easily book an appointment for us in UZ Leuven.

That Monday afternoon, we arrived at her office in UZ Leuven. She started drawing on a piece of paper and explained to us, that during the NIPT test, the team found an abnormality called trisomy 2 from the blood. There were 2 possibilities:

1. Trisomy 2 on the baby, then indicated that the baby’s gene was not completely healthy, but she was not sure what would be the exact impact;

2. Trisomy 2 is not on the baby, but on the Placenta only, then this means the baby’s genetics would be okay, but the placenta might have some issues.

The probability of the first possibility was lower, as a fetus with abnormal chromosomes would usually result in a spontaneous miscarriage in the early stages, however, if it did appear on the baby, as it was not her specialty, we would be introduced to the genetic department to have a genetic consultation. If we fell into the second option, then the issue was less severe, we needed to do a close medical follow-up on the baby, it might be possible that the placenta could not provide enough nutrients in the last few weeks, we could get the baby out earlier and feed him outside the womb.

Dr. C sounded confident that the second possibility was something the hospital could handle, although for us as parents, it was still bad news, it was the best we could hope for. To confirm 1 or 2, we still needed to wait until week 15 to do the amniocentesis, that day, what we could do was do another ultrasound to check if there was anything to worry about the fetus.

Before we moved to the ultrasound table, Dr. C asked me if I had any more questions, I said “I forgot to ask about the gender of the baby last Friday on the phone.”

I have always preferred to have a baby girl, I have imagined doing a lot of things together with a daughter, and I know that when she grows up, she will still be close to her original family. In my family, despite the fights while growing up, my sister and I are very close, we are more than just friends.

“It is a boy”.

I could not hold my tears anymore and started crying. I cried not because the baby was not a girl, but from that moment on, I knew more about my baby. I no longer refer to the baby as “it”, but “he”, he is a human to me.
At that moment I didn’t care if the baby was a boy or a girl, I only hoped he was healthy, and I’ll love the hell of him.

Photo by Taryn Elliott from Pexels

Continue reading: My tragic pregnancy experience in Belgium (2)

The bearable heaviness of being (2)